Part 1B: How Not to Suck at... Accountability (in Relationships)

B.                 …in Relationships

We have got to take some real responsibility in the reason our relationships go the way they do.

Stop. Take a second and grab a pencil & paper. I’ll wait.

List all your past/current strained or failed relationships. I’m talking brothers, sisters, parents, ex-friends and yes, the ex-lovers. Make a column for your name, their name and another for its strained or failed. Now list a few of the potential daters you didn’t give a chance. Again, make a column for your name, their name and why you didn’t give them a real chance. For some of you it may take a while, so stop at about 10 or so. We don’t need a Superhead big font novel here… just a few people that really stick out. The supporting cast to your life.

Stop again, look at the list. I mean really look at it. What’s the common denominator? Whose name appears next to every failed/strained/passed relationship on your list?

I’m sorry, but yes - it’s you. A big part of the reason you’re unhappy, or have strained relationship and/or single is YOU. Take accountability in the fact that the source of your situation is you. Be empowered in that fact so that we can do something about it! It’s not in someone else’s control – It’s in our control! Your happiness is determined in big part by what we allow to affect our lives. Somethings are just not worth our time and effort and we get all worked up about the wrong things.

And as far as romantic relationships go… the reason you’re unhappy or single is staring you in the face every day – and it’s not the just other person fault either. Yes, it’s still you!

At our age, we can’t blame the universe for not providing you a good man or woman. By now someone wanted you and you decided not to be with them. Or maybe you loved someone and they didn’t love you back. Let it go and move on. Or you are with someone and you’re unhappy as it gets.

It may be your pickiness, or what you choose to accept in the relationship, or your preferences are unrealistic or your standards are too high. Either way, it was/is your choice. Be empowered in the fact that it is your choice. Be accountable for your role in your love life and decide to make better choices and refuse to let life bring you down. Stop blaming everyone else, stop taking shit from others, stop thinking you’re not good enough.

Be the main character in your life. Decide to do better and be happy. 

Part 1A: How Not to Suck at... Accountability (in Life)

Every leadership book I have ever read has a chapter on accountability, but leaders are not the only ones that need to be accountable for their actions and the things that happen to them. We all need to take a step back and realize and accept the fact that allot of the issues in our lives are our fault… yeah, I said it. It’s YOUR FAULT. We always want to take credit for the good; realize that we need to start taking credit for the bad too. Once you’ve done that then you can take action to do better. And we want to do better, right?

A.                 ... In Life

I did it, I broke the cardinal rule when I comes to money. I co-signed a small loan for a close friend. I was young and dumb and I’d done it before with others with no problems. Till this day I love them like a brother. They promised on their mother’s grave that they wouldn’t miss a payment and that there would be no issues. I knew them well, I trusted them – I believed in them and knew that they wanted to do better. I believed in their dream and success.

The truth is no one asking for a favor will ever tell you that they can come through on their end. I don’t know if its pride, blindness, optimism and just a straight up, cold hearted lie; but you never hear “hey man, I need this favor and I’m probably going to screw you over in the end. But I want you to help me anyway.”

Life was all good for a while. Then the calls started. The bank was looking for me to make payments that were past due. They would call me, I would call him, he would promise to pay, the calls would stop – repeat. I figured that sense they weren’t calling that life was all good. I was wrong.  I pull my yearly credit report and found out my A1 credit was now “fair.” I was HOT. I called, I cussed, and was ready to fight… and then I paid the pass due balance. Set up auto payment and required them to pay me directly.

Most people would want to say it was his fault. He missed the payments. He defaulted. He lied.

The reality is it’s my fault. I agreed to the loan, I let the phone calls slide, I believed he was doing as he claimed he was. I should have been more involved and intrusive to the situation. I failed at life. Yeah, he has some blame, but I failed myself and honestly can’t blame anyone but myself.

The situation didn’t change until I became accountable and made sure things happened. Sure, I can say that this happened to me but it’s more like I let this happen to me.

The same is true in most things in life. We want to cry that the world and the man is out to get us but the reality is that we are generally passive and allow things to happen. Take charge, take control, and take a few seconds to figure out how we can change a situation. Be accountable! Realize that the problem or the solution is you!

How Not to Suck at Life… and Relationships

This is the introduction for what will be a multi-part blog about life in all its joyous wonders. I’ll discuss how the lessons I’ve learned in life have allowed me to grow as a person and become a real life adult. And how these life-lessons apply to relationships – not just the romantic kind either. Family, coworkers, friends, associates and yes… even the lovers. I’m tired of sucking at life… and relationships. Time to do better and give you insights to the come up.