Thursday, July 5, 2007

PSA: Women, Don’t Be “NICE,” Tell Us the Truth

I was at work today and a co-worker asked "what do I do when I just don't want to be around someone? I just don't like him like that." The other guy in the room and myself both replied "just tell him." Her response, "No, that would be mean…he's a nice guy and I was hoping he would just get the hint."

FUCK THAT…please, just tell the dude. I feel that if one more woman gets this message the world will be a better place. But real talk, any sane respectable guy would much rather you tell him up front that you don't like him in a romantic way than for him to keep assuming that you feelin him. If you keep in contact with the dude and don't tell him otherwise, he is gonna think that you like him…at least a lil. So he is going to act as such.

The longer you wait to tell him, the madder he's gonna be when he finds out. By this point we are all grown ass men (or at least should be), and we know that rejection is a part of life and are ready to accept it. But by allowing us to continue to think that we're wanted when we're not is not doing us a favor, it's not being "nice." It's a waste of our time, money, and energy. Yes, we may be a lil upset and hurt regardless of when you reject us, but it's better to do it when u just a name and cute face than when you become…a feeling.

Of course there are other ways of letting a dude know you don't like him. You can just not answer the phone, and if he's got any sense at all he'll get the hint. But then you have to worry about what happens when you run into them later. When do you run into him, don't tell him you were gonna call but were too busy, or that you meant to call back, etc….those are those rays of hope. If ol dude really likes you then he's gonna take those rays as a hint to keep trying. BLACKEN THEM FUCKERS OUT. Leave no room for error. If you choose this method it's almost guaranteed that you all won't remain friends if you blow him off real shady like that. Better to be grown about yours. He'll have better respect for you in the end, but do what you gotta do.

In the chance that the dude is cool, and you want to be friends…no returning calls definitely aint the way to go. Just tell him, and if he's up to handling the challenge of just being friends, then so be it. Some guys and girls can be friends. But if he decides to stop calling then let him do so and just return to those "speaking in passing sort of friends." You don't want him, so don't be upset if he chooses to cut his loses and move on. That's his choice. Don't be saying he acting funny, being shady, etc. U didn't want him so don't be upset when you loose all the attention.

Taking gifts from a dude you don't like is a serious offense. If you're allowing him to wine and dine you then he's gonna assume that things are working in his favor and will expect some sort of return on his investment. Not necessarily sex, but more personal time, calls, visits, etc….but for some, yeah….they'll be lookin for some cut.  Aint no body tryin to pay for dinner and a movie for they friends. If you're taking these things he's gonna be even madder when he finds out the truth. Now, if you told the dude, in plain English that you do not want him, and he continues to spend his time and money on you….then I can't even fault you for taking them. He's just dumb like that. I've been there...and in hindsight, I've been dumb like that.

Now you CANNOT tell a dude you don't like him but continue to call everyday, flirt, etc. Those are some serious mixed signals and actions speak louder than words, so we're gonna go with what we wanna believe.
Last but not least, if you're gonna make assumptions, assume he don't want to be friends. Assume he wants to be more than that. Aint no body still tryin to make "friends" no more. I mean real friends, platonic ones. I hate when girls be like, "I aint know he wanted to talk to me, I just thought we was cool." FUCK THAT TOO…aint nobody approaching women to just be friends no more. Sometimes you end up being friends, good ones…but nine times out of ten that was not the original intent.

Disclaimer: These are not blanket explanations for everything but I hope you learned something. In fact I am sure you can think of a thousand exceptions, and excuses and that's cool too. Shit, this is mostly for entertainment so don't take everything as law. Treat each situation with your own personal judgment. The opinions expressed above are those solely of THE, but a lot of people seem to agree.