Sunday, November 26, 2006

Truth About Time

"People make time for the people and things they want to."

It is one of my biggest pet peeves when people say they don't have time to do something. I'm sorry, but I just think that is a lie. The truth is they don't want to make time to do it. It may because they don't want to, or maybe because whatever(whoever) it is isn't high enough on their priority list. Whatever the case, if it was something(someone) important to them they would make time.

When I was in undergrad I was extremely busy. I had school, work, organizations, and "me time" just to keep my sanity. Now I will admit, I have used the "I don't have time" excuse, but I guarantee it was on something that I really just didn't want to do.  If there was someone I wanted to kick it with I made time for them. It may have been lunch, or meeting me in the library, something small. Or it may have been that they had to wait till the end of the week when everything calmed down. But the point is, I made time and let them know when I had time for them.

See, that's the thing. They may be busy today, or even all this week. But they are not busy for eternity. If you call/text and they are busy at the moment, or they will be busy when u want to do something that is acceptable. But if they wanted to talk or do whatever you wanted to do, they would call back later and give you an alternative time. That simple. At least in my opinion. But I may be wrong.

Now if it is an event that happens only at a specific time on a specific day, then not having time may be a valid excuse. Sometimes things are already planed and can't be moved, and therefore they technically don't have time. But if it is something that can be made to fit someone's schedule then not having time is just a lame excuse.

Chapter 3: Lust

Damn you was sexy when I saw you in the club
Tight lil top, short lil skirt, working that dub.
All in the spot twerking it real good,
Thinking to myself all the things that I would
Do to you if I got you back to home,
You and me and that baby making music alone.
So I got up on ya and grabbed that ass,
And you bent on over and started dancing real fast
Slow jam came on, you started grinding my dick,
And that’s when u started thinking wit your clit
Cuz you turned to me and said “Baby, what’s up?”
And “I could tell by the look in your eyes you wanna fuck.”
So I said to you “what you doing when the party ends.”
“I don’t even know, I road wit my friends.
But why don’t you let me ride with you?”
And our eyes said the things that our lips wouldn’t do.

Girl, please be quite. Don’t ruin the mood,
Lay sexy on the bed and be my horny food.
Thighs and breasts and lips and legs, and
Give it to me now, don’t make me beg.
This is not a like thing, or a love thing,
This is a fuck me now fuck me good, lust game.
Game to see who can make who cum first,
Game to see who’s face looks worst
When they reach the climax and let out a scream
And cover the other in that sticky white cream.
So let’s play to see if you will call out my name
And I bet you head I wont do the same.

Now stop all this talking and lay on the bed,
So I can come up between those legs wide spread
I grind your body as you grind mine,
And stroke after stroke, with our legs intertwined.
And stroke after stroke I go a lil deeper,
And stroke after stroke you get a lil weaker
The innermost parts of our bodies touching….

This shit aint worth finishing, it’s just fucking.

Truths about Life

Through my various conversations I have come to realize that there are certain truths about people and they way they interact with each other. I guess these would be life's equivalent to the Laws of Thermodynamics or Newton's Laws of Motion (remember I am an engineer), meaning these are basic fundamental concepts that can be used to explain why people say/do the things they do. These are the ones I have come across; please fell free to suggest others:

            "People make time for the people and things they want to."

            "We remember to do the things we want to remember."

            "People don't always have a right for everything they do, but they do have a reason."

            "It's not that people are not able to commit, they just are not willing to commit to you."

            "If someone loves you, nothing can keep them away; if they don't, nothing can make them stay."

I think that if people applied these truths to most situations they can save themselves a lot of stress and sleepless nights because they will at least understand why things are the way they are.

I kind of think the 2nd one falls under the 1st one, and I may have misquoted the last one. Please give me your thoughts/opinions. I plan to write on each of these "truths" in the following days.

Friday, November 24, 2006

You Just Know

I was having one of talks with a friend of mine. This is new scenario: she met this dude this is interested in making her is girlfriend, but she doesn't like him in that way. She admits that he is a good dude and there is no reason she shouldn't like him, but she doesn't. It's almost like she has tried to force herself to like him and it hasn't worked. So now it's to the point where she has pretty much been punked into a relationship with this guy, and as soon as she told me about it my response was "You don't even like this man." And now she has to tell all her other "friends" to back off, etc.

Her question to me was "why don't I like this guy? And when will I know when I like someone enough?" I told her I don't know.

I mean, why do we like the people we like? And why don't we like the people that we should? I could name scenario after scenario of couples that would have made sense but never happened. Shit, I can name a hand full of girls that would make good girlfriends, but I don't like on that level, at least not yet… and I can name a time when I was ready to give a title to someone that doesn't even fit my type.

So we continued our conversation a while longer and the only real answer I could give her was that "you just know." It takes me a while to get to the point that I want to make someone my girl but with every girl I was interested in enough to be exclusive with there was a gradual progression to the point where I was willing and ready to give up everyone else I was talking to for them. I was willing to give them the world and want noting in return. They didn't have to ask me to do it. It wasn't even a conscious effort. It was like as I gained interest in her, I lost interest in everyone else.

The people I really like become an idea, a feeling. When I think of them I don't picture there face, or how they look naked, or how good the sex was… it's a feeling I get when I think of them throughout the day. My heart gets heavy when I think about the next time I'll see them. 

You can't make yourself like someone. You can spend time with them, tell them u love them, buy them things, have sex with them, have sex with them, etc…but at the end of the day, it happens or it doesn't. And when it does, you just know.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Another Weird Dream

This time I was in one of the engineering buildings on my way to class but the way was blocked because of some construction. It was like they were tearing up the stairs to use the space under them for storage. But any, the walkway was blocked so I had to try to maneuver my way through it. I was at the other end when I bumped into this tall wobbly thing that started to lean when I hit it. So I had to grad it so it didn't fall into anything and other people rushed over to help.

After that I continue on the other side of the building but I guess class is cancelled because I start thinking I need to go back to the other side of the building. I can't go the way I came since I just made a fool of myself. So I proceed to walk up some sketchy stairs and when I get to the top the bridge (why a bridge and not a floor? I have no clue.) is missing panels in the bottom and all these people (some of which I know, but hadn't seen in forever) rush over to tell me that I can't walk across the bridge because the university will sue. So I come down and still can't get back.

I'm talking with the people about how I am going to get back and two of the professors come out and talk about how the got through the building, but that I can't do that because I don't know what I'm doing. At this point I remember thinking "why don't I just walk outside, and walk back in on that side of the building?" I must have taken my own advice because the next thing I know I am outside in front of the frat house but I am missing my book bag and all these kids are outside to take school photos or something.

So I am looking for the bag and one group of kids and another comes and I realize the pile of stuff near the stairs is not their book bags as I had thought before. It is ALL my shit!!! I mean book bag (with all the contents emptied out), keys, clothes, and the whole nine… So, at this point I am missed and wanna fight. I turn around and there is this hockey team in full uniforms behind me…we start fighting…but there are using their hockey stick and I am like a 3rd degree black belt. I mean we go at it like a scene from Power Rangers… the end.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Weird Dream

I rarely dream...well, I rarely remember them.
So it's morning time and I am running late for class, a literature class at that (which I hadn't taken since high school.)  I was late because I could decide what to wear (odd) and I didn't care about being late because I was just sitting in the class and I didn't like the book. (So why was I in the class in the first place?) So this outfit I was tryin to figure out. Get this. It was a red, turquoise, and yellow shirt and some silver shoes with yellow and turquoise in them and I was tryin to decide whether I should wear jeans with or without a read stripe.

I had on the ones with the stripe and my mom said I should wear the other ones. She was like "let's go to the movies" so I just took the pants wit me and we went to the theater. We are sitting in the movies and random friends that I hadn't talked to in a min start blowing up my phone and I remember thinking "how is their name showing up, I lost all the numbers out of my old phone?" So I am sitting in the theater and decide to change my jeans. As I am pulling up the new jeans this man next to me (I am sitting on the end, he is right next to me, don't know where mom is) drops these two key rings on the floor. I reach out in the aisle (pants half up my thigh) and pick up the key rings, so of course I hear snickers from people seeing me bent over wit my pants down (weird). I had the man his stuff and he drops one of them again….I leave that shit down there.

So I am not really paying attention to the movie and then the lights come on and lil kids are running all over the place screaming. I decide this is a good opportunity to get free movie passes since this one got ruined. Somehow I communicate this to mom (telepathy maybe?) and I walk out the theater. I walk pass the counter and the line is too long so I look for mom then remember I left my jeans in my seat. I walk back in to get them and one my frat brothers is at the seat looking at the jeans. He asks me "you just get finish fucking?"
"Hell no."
"Why not?" – typical response from this dude.

I go back out to find mom, but I can't…the end.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Losing Hope

I am in college, so I have seen and heard about more than my fair share of lying, cheating, sleeping around, backstabbing – deception in general. But as long as I can remember there have been a select few women that kept my hope alive. I mean these girls are beautiful, intelligent, well spoken, well rounded and I thought faithful to their boyfriends. I mean these girls were nearly ideal in my opinion.

As a general rule, I try not to talk to females in relationships. It's a lose-lose situation in the long run. Either we kick it and I start liking them but "they got a man" or they start liking me back – and that's gonna lead to cheating. So from that point on I'd have a lil distrust for them. I mean if they cheated with me when they had a man, if we were to start something, I'd always wonder if they were cheating on me with the next dude. It would take A LOT for me to take them serious. So on top of the regular repercussions, talking to one of these "hope girls" would just RUIN the image… so I never even tried.

Here's the sad part: In recent months, more and more of this image has been shattered. I had hoped among all the cheating, sleeping around, and deception that they were a few that had some good sense. They gave me hope that when I FINALLY decided to be in a relationship that I could have a girl on this level and not have to worry about what they were doing. I mean I could actually TRUST her. But here I come to find out that some of these girls are cheating TOO. I know you can't believe everything you hear, but I got some pretty compelling evidence. Alas, I guess everyone's cheating and some people are just better at hiding it.

And where are the friends of these people when they cheating? Because I am sure that someone besides the cheaters knows what's going on. Are the friends like, "go ahead and get that on the side" or "you need to stop before you get caught"? If they pushing you to cheat, are they gonna be there to comfort you when you fuck up a good thing?

But shit, it's so common place to cheat, get caught, and "work it out" that it probably doesn't even matter. People just assume that's part of a relationship these days.

Maybe I'll just stay single, at least then I can just ASSUME they're with someone else when they're not with me. Easier on the heart… no guess work.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Contrary to the popular belief that "ignorance is bliss" I have to say knowing is beautiful.

So I FINALLY went and got my results of the STD test I took like 3 weeks ago. Part of the reason I aint gotten it before was lack of time…. But fear of knowing was a factor as well. I was talking to a friend of mine about the situation and she insisted that I had nothing to worry about. True, I have never had unprotected sex; true I hadn't been with any high risk partners, and NO, I don't use drugs or share needles. But I was as worried as anyone else would be.

At the beginning of the semester there had been a lot of forums and discussions on STD's and HIV's and the stats were alarming. Yeah, condoms are highly effective at protecting most STD's a pregnancy. Here are some stats I found off of a GA Tech website:

The following statistics are from the fact sheet "The Truth About Latex Condoms," developed by the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S. (SIECUS).
1. Condoms are 98% effective when used correctly.
2. The average failure rate for condoms is 12%: reflective of people who do not use them properly or do not use them every time they have intercourse.
3. Laboratory tests show that neither sperm, which has a diameter of 3 microns, nor STD-causing organisms, which are a quarter to a ninth the size of sperm, can penetrate an intact latex condom.
4. If there is a leak in more than 4 per 1,000 condoms, the entire lot (approximately 5,000) is discarded.

OK, so if I have protected sex 100 times with a person that has an STD, does that mean I should get it twice? I don't know about ya'll but that 2% is enough reason for me to worry. Do you realize how much your life will (should) change if u found out u had HIV? Not to mention all the skin-to-skin STD's. Condoms are only 27% effective for those. And ORAL SEX? Who uses a condom for that?

So yes…I had a decreased chance of catching something but I still HAD reason to worry. Not that I didn't trust my partners…I don't trust who they been with. So, like I said knowing is beautiful, and I know that I am STD free.

Friday, November 10, 2006

50 Guys / 50 Girls

Woke up this morning, wide eyed to the world,
And the 1st thought that hit me was 50 guys and 50 girls.
100 virtuous souls for Zion’s New seed,
Only because we neglected to take heed
Back in the day when they discovered global warming
And now cities drown because ice caps stop forming.
Massive winds, heavy rain ransacked NO
Made a huge muddy puddle of a city already 6 feet below
Hurricane Katrina damn new killed the whole South,
And all politicians did was run their mouth
About whose fault it was that the poor blacks were still there
And discuss that Kanye said that Bush didn’t care.
1 gaint wave and no warning alarm
Laid waster to poor India people and ruined their farms
All the world just sat back and took a look
Like this was some shit from a fictional story book.
It’s hot outside and we all complain
About sweltering heat and heavy rain
Hot today and cold the day before
All uncomfortable because of what we wore.
We look to weather man like “man, what’s up?’
And what he won’t tell you is that the earth is FUCKED UP
Mother Nature is feed up with all the lil kids
And finally punishing us for all that we did
Smoked up the air and polluted the sea
Thought we could take all we wanted from her for free.
Burn the oil, the gas, and black coal
And now for payment she takes poor souls.

Woke up this morning, before the sun hit my eye
1st thought I had, 50 girls and 50 guys.
100 pure souls for Zion’s 1st breath
Because humanity now mass produces death.
In 2001, 11th day of September,
I sat on my bed and I remember
Thinking they’ve gotten tired of being pushed around
Because now they’ve brought death and destruction on our ground
Several trouble souls took over the air
And told 100 unlucky passengers that they didn’t care
That they had families: children, husbands and wives
And that they would soon take his, theirs and 1000 other lives.
They made an old man’s predictions come all too true
Smoke, fire, and blood on a canvas sky blue.
A war we’re fighting and noone knows why
But everyday more American soldiers will die
For a cause they may, or may not believe in.
Just so W’s friends can count the dividends
Off of Mother Earth’s crude oil vein
But Bush continues to say the same
Old story about they’re there for democracy
And expects us to believe the hypocrisy
We all know it’s the root of all evil
That keeps your mind acting all feeble
To believe that we would be the only ones
With that nuclear sort of gun
Who the fuck cares if they tested a war head?
After the first one is launched, we’ll all be soon dead.
If they fire first and we fire back
The smoke and radiation will turn the sky black
So the sun will cease and comes the acid rain
And we’ll all witness the break down of the food chain
As death and destruction take over the earth
We’ll all wonder was it really worth
The cost of our lives for some petty fight
Over who’s guns bigger and who’s idea is right.

Woke up this morning, 1st thought I gave
Was about 100 lives for the world to save
50 guys/50 girls for Zion’s fresh start
Culturally responsible and versed in the arts
Blessed with the knowledge to start the world anew
To repopulate to planet from just those few
Free from corruption, destruction and deadly disease
Create a near perfect society with near perfect ease
And learn from this worlds constant mistakes
And I hope that the next round we will make
Better choices for our sons and daughters
To prevent more innocent lives from the slaughter
Until that day, we’ll wait for the end
As life after life pays for his father’s sin
And when it’s time for us to start a new world,

I send all my hope with 50 guys and 50 girls.

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Chapter 2: Like

I like you…
Rarely said, so when I do, you know it’s true.
More than just interest in getting to know you,
More than you’re cute, with a nice shape and I like your face.
More like dinner, movie, and back to your place.
When people ask it’s not “we just kicking it, she’s real cool.”
Because I got 100 bois who wouild love their shot at you.
No…. I like you.
I’ve taken the time to get to know you, for you to get to know me
Heart beats faster when you’re close with thought of what might be
Nervous to know what each day will bring,
Will it last a day, a month and past the naked season of the spring.
Enjoying the process, not concerned with the end
The fun of the chase, the courtship, of becoming closer friends

Now before I like you, you were just some other chic
Someone to call, have lunch, and maybe kick it wit
Didn’t care who you were with, or what you was doing
Let alone who was on your team, and who you was screwing
Yet the fact is we probably talked about it, so I already knew
So at least we’re entering this thing with all the secrets in plain view.
So now it’s time to make a choice
Will we listen to our hearts and ignore the voice
That says “why limit yourself, there’s 1000 others,
It’s easy and fun to jump from one them to another.”
Or continue to hide from facing the fact
That this is more than a fling, more than an act.
Come on, admit it, you like me too.
Seen you thinking it, and almost said it more times than a few.
I’mma keep it real, there’s no turning around
Either we move this thing forward or I’ve got both feet stuck in the ground
Because once I’ve put my feeling up on the wall
Without your co-sign I’ll stop the visits, the dates and the calls
I can’t do that kind of torture to myself,
Knowing you’re here with me, waiting on someone else.
So go ahead and put this to an end,
We’ll go back to those “speaking in passing” sort of friends
I know it may seem mean, but that is what sane people do,

When they finally get to the point of actually liking you.

Chapter 1: Friendship

Ok, so if you've been reading the blogs there is a poem called "Lesson Learned." In if there is a line that goes, "Friendship, like, lust, love are all chapters of life's book." In essence saying that they are all possible steps in a relationship (on any level). So, here is chapter one: friendship.

“What’s up baby?” We speak, but we’re not close,
we talk in passing, same way we do with most.
We just recently met, somewhere on campus I think
Weren’t any fireworks, inviting smile, not even a wink.
But we keep speaking, making that small talk,
Not that in depth convo, just the kind when you walk
Across campus, through the union and down the hall,
Talking about everything from class to who you saw at the mall
And maybe one day when I think it’s worth the time
I’ll ask for your number, or offer up mine
And maybe we’ll call, we’ll talk in the phone
When I’m not busy, and you’re all alone
And day by day, talk by talk the bond becomes stronger
Small talk to deep stuff, our convo’s become longer.
But truth be told, something may happen and we’ll take a break
Then we’ll bump in passin and from our silence we’ll wake
Asking what’s goin on, trying to get back up to date
And if the stars are aligned and the mood is right
One will ask the other to call them later that night.

“What’s up lady? How u doing? Where you been?
Called to check up, called to see about my lost friend.
Called to see what’s new in your ever changing life,
Whether if be happiness, sadness, stress, strain, or strife,
I’m here to lend a hand, and ease the pain.
I’m not that fair weather friend, I’m here in the rain.”
Heard about friends, to boyfriends, to significant others
And gave advise from one again, to this one, to another.
But through it all I’ll have your back,
Even when the other so called friends are talking smack
I know the deal. I know you. Inside and out.
I know what your worse fears and what your dreams are about.
And when others fall by the wayside and prove untrue
You don’t have to worry because this friendship,
 It’s about the bond between me and you.

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Another Again? DAMN!!!

John Legend has a track called Another Again (#12) on his new CD. It's about him and her trying to make it work but they are STUCK in an endless cycle, and he knows that in the end it will just be Another Again…

Ok, so just in the last 24 hours I have seen 2 of my friends getting ready to get caught back up in the same cycle with their EX, and the only question I have for them is WHY? This is the common scenario. Something happens (cheating, fight, lying, outside influences), they break up, stop communicating, start talking again, have sex, try to work it out, and then start all over again. Sound familiar? I know all of you know SOMEONE that has been through, or is going through this same thing.

I just don't understand. I mean both of these girls have been in this cycle FOR YEARS. I understand the thought of feeling like you've invested TOO MUCH and want to see it out…but 2-3 years later is time to cut your losses and move on. Back then they were complaining about the investment, but years later? That is time you could have been investing in someone worth your presence.

Ok, so maybe I do know WHY they keep going in circles….but I still don't understand. I've seen this many times... Sometimes it's because they love their significant other, but they're just using them for sex; sometimes it's just for sex (people got their needs); sometimes it's because this significant other is the ONLY thing they know and they literally feel LOST without them.

I understand every relationship (friendship-> marriage) has its cycles of up and downs. But there should be more ups than downs, right? U shouldn't be crying yourself to sleep and thinking about doing yourself or someone else bodily harm. Even after the worst fight EVER, you shouldn't feel like SHIT. AND even if u don't talk for 2 weeks-2 months you should know that you can and will be ok without them, that you are a COMPLETE person on your own.

Ok, so I have been in a cycle. I was. I think I was the cause of the cycle, she was not the type to initiate ANYTHING. It wasn't over sex, or cheating, or anything like that. I think my cycle was powered by the unknown. Both of us wanting to date again, but wanting to keep the other in our corner. We had our periods of on again, off again till one day I asked if we were better together or apart. She said it wasn't a question of better, but easier. She was kinda implying that it was emotionally taxing. Understandable, right? So that day I made a silent promise to end the cycle. And I think it's best I did, otherwise the cycle might have killed our friendship. Something much too valuable. So, if someone cares for you like I cared for her, shouldn't they do they same thing and let you go? If they know that it is UNHEALTHY, shouldn't they care enough for your happiness to let u go?