Chapter 4: Love

Love is…

            Uncontrollable, unexplainable, and sometimes unobtainable

            And once you it it, can prove to be unsustainable.

            Unimaginable if you not in it, and

Indescribable when u find it, but

            Worth living for when you find the one, yet

            Suicidal when you find you love’s undone.

Love is…

            Blind, sometimes hard to find

Playing psychological tricks on the brightest minds

A million chemical reactions within your brain, but

Enough to drive a crazy man sane, and

Hard to let go of, hard to command,

Hard to make work, hardest to understand

Love…

            Hurts, yet can heal with time,

            Grows, yet can fade with time,

Is not an action, person, place, or thing,

Is just a fraction of the stuff that makes the caged bird sing

Is unexpected, sometimes misdirected

Is unconditional, but hates to be rejected.

Love…

            Was, and will be, but most importantly

           

Love is

Life is Short

Life is short, and I don't mean in the "if I live to be 83 that's nothing in comparison to the vastness of endless time" sense. I mean in the "you or I could die tomorrow" sense.

Another former UA student died. From what I heard she busted a blood vessel in her brain 2-3 weeks ago and then had blood clot that took her life. Again, this was someone I knew. Someone I had even sat down had random conversations wit and now she's gone.

There has been A LOT of deaths this past year and then with all the crazy stuff going on in the world (natural and unnatural disasters) there's no telling who we'll be morning over next. With all of this going on I am amazed at the petty things that people hold on to and fight about. Let that shit go. I did.

A friend of mine came into town this weekend, and apparently we not on the best of terms so I kept my distance most the weekend. Out of sight-out of mind, and I didn't really have the time or energy to be sucked into any drama. I'm sure that her and her friends ran my name through the mud all weekend and found every possible reason to blame everything that's happened on me—I don't care. And I'm sure they called me every name they could possibly think of—I don't care. And I'm sure they all thought that I finally came because I just couldn't stay away—I don't care. If that makes it easier for them to sleep at night then go right ahead.

I know she didn't want to see me and even though my opinions, thoughts, and feelings about her have changed over the last few weeks I stilled needed to see her. Not because I miss her, or I need her--No. I needed to because if something happened (God forbid) to her I would be crushed and never forgive myself. Some things you just got to do for yourself, and you got to do them now becuase tomorrow may be too late.

No Effort List

So I have been hanging with some old friends from Jr High recently (funny how things come full circle, but that’s a whole other blog). We were having lunch a few days ago and my boy was talking about how he had to put this chic on the “no effort list.” I didn’t understand, so I asked him to explain. He was like after the 2^nd date if he hasn’t gotten any play he puts the chic on the list. This means he isn’t going out of his way to call, see, and try to cutt with the girl. He said the only way he’d hit if he was in the area and she called saying she was butt naked ready to cutt. I was like “wow.”

Now, I think I have a similar system. Once I reach the point where I feel that a girl “aint talking about shit,” or that I am putting in too much effort for the results I’m getting. I’ll stop calling, texting, etc. Definitely won’t go out of my way to take her out or see her. And it’s not that I may not be feeling her, but if she isn’t going to reciprocate why I got to be doing all the work?

I’m not a mean person. If they call I’ll answer. I’ll reply to a text or email. And maybe from that we’ll get back to some level of something. Hopefully better than where we were before, but if I stopped calling/texting and I hadn’t heard from them I’ll just as soon she isn’t feeling me anyway.

Now, min effort might mean that I randomly text time to time, FB, etc…and probably only if I’m bored with nothing to do. Basically, I’ve gotten to the point where I feel that any effort is wasted time on my part.

Moral of the story: Girls/Guys, if you haven’t heard from someone in a while, but you haven’t bother to check up on them maybe you sealing your own grave. They just may have put you on the “no effort list.”

In Dem Genes

A friend of mind has been recently joking (I hope) about how she going to just have enough sex with me to have my kids, then let me do as I please. And she’s cool with that because if I leave her she just going to take all my money in child support and alimony. I told her that wasn’t going to happen. She said good, cause if I let it happen I’d be a loser anyway. I agreed and concluded that I had nothing to worry about.

I was watching an interesting episode of Law and Order: SVU where this lady was drugging men, using an electric probe to force ejectculation, and steal the sperm. These men were world class athletes, musicians, doctors, etc. Basically they were the “cream of the crop” in all areas of life. She took the sperm and gave it to the sperm back she worked at. Women were buying it at 200, 000 a hit.

This got me thinking. When I look at women I think about whether I think they going to be fat, how attractive they are, their athletic build, intelligence, etc. I always look at these things in respect to my personal tastes, never with respect to offspring. Maybe I should start thinking about my future looking for my mate on the basis of her genes. So we can create some super genius athletes. Back in HS my friends used to joke about how me and a few of the female track girls should reproduce so we can have some instant Olympic hopefuls.

I think I got pretty good genes (not worth 200, 000….. maybe just half that). I am one of 5 kids. We are all intelligent, in good health, and artistic. And we all have dominating personalities and are destined for great things.

The show also hit on the fact the science is getting to the point where people can have children “made to order,” specifying everything from sex, hair color, eye color, height, etc. What if that can to pass? Wouldn’t that create an even larger riff between the haves and have-nots? Between the enhanced and the normal people? If you knew that there were people literally breed to be smarter, faster, and just better than you wouldn’t that be a little bit discouraging?