Part 4B. How Not to Suck at… Focus (in Relationships)

B.                 …In Relationships

When it comes to relationships, “Focus” and “Letting Go” go hand in hand. “Letting Go” allows you to Focus. The things, the people, and the situations that you struggle to let go of are the very distractions that will trip you up when you find something worthwhile. Until you ae ready to Let Go, it will be extremely difficult to Focus. Let Go first…then Focus.

When it comes to relationships you can focus on a particular person, but I want to start even before that. I want to talk about what you really need/want from any person. In that regard, your focus should be the infamous list – the set of nearly impossible traits that some of us want from a mate. So like before, we have to first find the things that are really important, then make those a priority and stick to them. A hand full of things you are unwilling to compromise on. It might be faith, kids, location, or job – but narrow that book of traits to a short list of must haves. Then let go of the rest!

You’ll be amazed at the new possibilities that are opened up when the focus is changed to a few really important things. You may even realize the other stuff wasn’t even all that important. Or even better it was all shallow and surface non-sense.

I know that as I’ve gotten older, the qualities I look for in women have matured. Back in undergrad all she needed a nice smile, a big butt and brown skin and I was in love. Intelligence didn’t matter, level of craziness was a non-issue, strong faith was actually a deterrent and I hadn’t even remotely thought how our lives could/would fit together. Now I still like a big butt and a smile, but intelligence/drive is a must. Crazy/drama is a show stopper. Faith is a necessity. Wondering how our lives would mesh is second nature.  And real chemistry is essential!

It might seem that my list, my focus, has gotten longer; however, I’ve already been through the bow wave of superficial requirements… height, weight, income, breast size, skin tone, kids, car, dress, etc, etc.

It’s kind of like the 80/20 rule in relationships. The 80/20 rule says that you get 80% of what you want from your mate in your relationship, but there is 20% that you don’t or will never get.  Realize that you may never find someone who had all of want you want, but define a focus on what you really need. Get that stuff and be happy!