This is 34

It’s hard to believe we’re almost halfway through 2017. My birthday the midway point in the year for me and for the last several years… since I turned 30 at least, my birthday has really been a bit depressing. It’s the milestone of another year gone by. It’s been a yardstick of measuring what I have and hadn’t done with my life. The goals I’ve achieved and the marks that I’ve missed along the way.

No way would I have thought at 22 I would have excelled as far as I have in some areas, yet be so stagnant in others – repeating the same mistakes over and over. Sometimes old habits are hard to break. And Facebook certainly aint no help! All I see is the life that everyone else wants to portray. How great their lives are; filled with the wonderful vacations they’ve gone on, the concerts attended, the new house,  the kids, the wedding, the great friends, the new car, the promotion, the new job, the move to the new city and the new successful business. The reality is that I only see a representation of the life they really have. Real life is a struggle! Most people leave out all the negative parts of life and it can honestly make my real life seem a bit underwhelming. Sometimes it literally feels like life is passing me by and I’m in a constant do-loop trying to catch up.

This year, rather than going through another quarter-life crisis, I am feeling allot more optimistic about the present and the future. A big part of my adult life has been about pleasing others and waiting on them so that I could make decisions in my life - esp when it came to money, trips, vacations and relationships. Last year I really did want I wanted when it came to travel... if I found a person or two who wanted to make the trip and I was out - It was great!

The first half of this year has been about preparing for the next steps in my life. I’ve spent the last 5 months really thinking about what I want, where I want to be, where I want to live, who I want to share my time with. Yes, it's been selfish, but much needed. Too much energy had been wasted with no appreciation or reciprocation.

Now, I’ve been getting myself mentally prepared to step into bigger shoes and letting go of bad habits, bad people, bad attitudes, bad situations and just overall bad vibes. I told myself I would give myself 2017 to get my act together so I that I can step into 2018 on a defined mission with the right people around me. It’s been a real journey; and while I have made progress in some areas, I have definitely been slacking in others. Sometimes it takes others to point those shortcomings out; but it’s upon me to take that feedback, internalize it, get ready and do better.

So my birthday is still a milestone, a yardstick for measuring up to where I want to be. But it is also an indicator of the changes I need to continue to make and reflection of how far I’ve come on my personal journey.

Cheers to another year’s blessings. This is 34!