Random Thoughts

It’s been a min since I’ve blogged so there are a much of random, yet somewhat related thoughts. I’mma try to keep in one to a paragraph, but we’ll see how that goes.

I was talking to the Sperm Lady a while ago and she was explaining to me why a Joe Bob that aint really doing nothing with his life is more likely to get laid than a well qualified good man. This was her reasoning: If things get messed up with Joe Bob, it’s no big deal. He wasn’t really worth nothing to begin with so if things go south it’s really no sweat off her back and she probably wasn’t emotionally attached anyway. Now with Mr. Good she’s got to be a little bit more careful. Got to play things out right. Got to worry about not messing up a good thing. I had to agree. She said with them she sees next mouth, with a dude like me she sees longevity, marriage potential. Her reasoning makes sence and in fact I think I have played by the rules as well. I am much more likely to have a short attention span and get annoyed with someone I know I don’t see a future with. And on the other hand I’ll put up with a lot more from someone I think is worth the effort. But what happens when the plan back fires and we get attached to someone who was only supposed to be a Miss Right now? (Next topic)

I was reading a friends blog and she was saying how the reason the divorce rate is so high that people are getting the Now’s confused with Right’s. Got to agree with her too. I have had to put myself in check a few times about this. Been people I was talking to and when the fun came to an end I started to try to fight the “breakup.” (for lack of a better word when two people stop talking) Then after a lot of thought I again came to the conclusion that they were not meant to remain in my life. They were not what I was looking for in a mate and a continued relationship with them was simply a waste of time. I wrote a piece called “To My Better Whole” which basically describes what I want but have yet to find. In the absence of this likely mythical woman I have been dating and talking to these “halves” that have been taking up my time and emotion, while the “wholes” that I have came across brush me off. In fact 2/3 of the last few girls (halves and wholes) I really wanted are now engaged. (Next topic)

Yeah engaged. When I look back and think how attached I was back then and realize how non-attached I am now it is almost amazing. And it’s funny to wonder that if I had stuck it out instead of giving up on the situation could/would that have been me on bended knee. Wow, scary to think about but daily I think about it more and more. I see people and their children and think “I’m going to be a dad one day.” I see all the people I know getting in serious relationships, getting engaged, and getting married, and think that “I’m going to actually be in love with someone to the point where I am going to be ready to spend the rest of my life when them.” But yeah, it’s still scary. School is getting old, dating is starting to get old too… not to long before I’m ready to move on. The most ironic thing is that both girls are engaged to the very next person (at least to my knowledge) that they were seriously talking to, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m 3/3 within the next year and a half to 2 years. Talk about a curse.

So I was having dinner with a  few friends the other day. 2 guys/ 2 girls so of course we got on the topic of relationships. Out of a the random comments, questions, and excuses for why each sex does different things I posed the question: “When is it time to get into a relationship? When u like, love, or in love with the other person?” (Before I continue I think I need to clarify some terminology. I think “like” to most people is what I call interested. Meaning I think their cool and worth getting to know better.  I guess a “strong like” would be what I refer to as just liking someone and the last two are the same in either case.) All three people responded that they get in when they are at the “like” stage. And then the love and being in love would hopefully follow. That’s odd to me. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I was only interested in. I need to see what they’re about, know that this is someone I could stand and possibly marry. I mean I got to like them enough to want to give up all the unknown possibilities that are out there. Otherwise my eyes would still be wondering while in the relationship. Hmm, maybe this is why I’ve only have 3 girlfriends. Oh well, I’m not giving you that title if I don’t think (at least at the moment) that you’ll go the distance.

Another topic we hit was cheating. I was dumbfounded to hear that one of the chics would rather not know if her man cheated on her. Her reasoning was that if it was a one time thing, an accident and he was sorry and didn’t intend on doing it again she doesn’t want to know because that is going to ruin the relationship for her. True, good point. But what if it still makes its way back to her. Would she not be more upset that he cheated and lied? Double edged sword. He/she might possibly get away with it if they don’t tell. But if they don’t tell and get caught it’s even worth. Sounds to me like we’re all better off not cheating? I think about a day later I asked someone else. They said they’d want to know. At least then she has the confidence in her man to admit his wrongs and try to work through them. Hmm, I see her point too. Hopefully I hope I never have to deal with a cheating girlfriend.

You ever woke up and just had a frown for no reason? I had one this morning but I was sitting in church and it slowly faded. I was pleased. I have been a church every Sunday this year. Trying to get myself together and with all the people dying from everything under the sun I think it’s best that I do so. I have been praying. Praying that I can forgive the people who have wronged me, that the people I have wrong will forgive me, that I will have strength to deal with the things that come my way. I believe that these things are what make us who were are (next topic).

All the things that I have been through and all that I have learned to control and deal with have shaped who I am today. I’ve been teased, talked about, rejected, done wrong, lied on, ostracized, abused, misused, taken advantage of, and managed to take all of this in stride. Without any real type if retaliation. It’s said that you won’t be given more than you can handle that that what does not kill you makes you stronger. If both these statements are true then I have handled a lot to the point where I don’t think I’d handle too much more, and I have become a strong person. But why? All of this most have a purpose; kind of seems like it should be training for some greater good. And if that’s the case then I must have something serious lying ahead of me.