Why All the Hoes are Getting Married

It’s Valentine’s season, people are in love, and couples are getting engaged. Guaranteed there is a woman somewhere getting a ring and other women are in disbelief that she’s getting wifed up because she was a little promiscuous in her past. These other women are probably thinking about how they’ve lived “right” and go to church and how they deserve a good man and a ring. They’re sitting there complaining and at least one of them will say, “how come all the hoes getting married?”

It’s not our place to judge or question why something is happening in another’s life. But here’s what the word says, “But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.” (1 Cor 7:9). So basically, if you can’t keep your legs closed or keep it in your pants – go ahead and get married, you’re biblically married anyway.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying; non- promiscuous people get married too. Those aren’t usually the people that everyone wants to judge and second guess. So for the rest of us have the strength to wait… so stop complaining and be patient.  What God has laid for us will happen in due time and now just isn’t your time. Don’t be in a rush or envious of what someone else has… you’ll end up with the wrong one.

 
“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)

 
Mystery solved.

God Knows My Heart

 

The other day I had a thought – a very honest, blunt and extremely fleshy thought. Something I may never say out loud to another person, but I don’t need too. The moment I thought it, I realized I wasn’t ready for the situation - because if it came to pass I had already declared I wasn’t going to act right. I need time to get my mind right. No one else knows the thought but me and God. Only He knows my true thoughts, wants, & motives. He honestly “knows my heart.”  My heart may be hidden from man, but not from God.

“What comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart…out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander” (Matthew 15:18-19).

I hate when I hear people use “God knows my heart” to excuse their behavior. This is actually the worst excuse because of how true it is! If you read Matthew 5 it gives us guidance on how God is less concerned with your actions than the feelings behind them.

Knowing God’s word is worthless if you’re not going to follow it (5:20) It’s not enough to not commit murder, we shouldn’t even be angry – a feeling (5:22). Adultery is wrong and mentally lusting over someone is just as bad (5:28). Wow! It’s hard enough to not to act fleshly – but now I can even THINK IT!

God is not concerned with our physical circumcision but the word tells us that “circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit, not by a written law (Romans 2:29)”.

So yes, God knows your filthy, sin filled fleshy heart – and He will continue to work on you and you should do right because you love him.

Going Nowhere Fast

I run. 1 mile. 3 miles. 5K. Obstacle courses, etc. I run…I run to stay in shape, for stress relief and to train. But the point is… I run. Not to get anywhere in particular. There is no destination. I just run. It’s a freedom away from the day’s problems, it’s an escape into my thoughts, and it’s an internal challenge with myself since there’s no other person running with me. I, alone, run.

When I run I listen to music. It keeps my spirits up, helps with my pace and lightens the mood. For a while now I’ve been listening to Pandora when I run. At first it was a Kirk Franklin station, then a Tye Tribbett one…but lately I’ve been on Mali Music. But at one point I took a break from the upbeat gospel and went straight R&B / rap. The beats were better, the music was faster and my times actually improved. One day I smashed a 5k in 27 min. I was really moving. I was proud of myself.

Then my heart got heavy. I had to ask myself “why?” I had chosen to be worldly and secular in my music choice for the sake of an improved time…but I wasn’t going anywhere. And I wasn’t going anywhere fast. How often do we take the worldly path for the sake of a faster result? Is it really worth it?

These days the only place I’m really concerned with getting to is Heaven. Running in circles is fun and all but at the end of the day I’ll be in the place I started. I’ll be sweaty and winded, but still at the same spot.  Whether I listen to rap or gospel the ending is the same.

I know and understand that I am saved through grace & mercy…not through my own actions. But we should follow after God because we love who He is and what he does for us. We are to honor Him in all things we do… including running. If Jesus says “No one can come to the Father except through me” (John 14:6) and if my destination is Heaven, I can’t get there via trap music.

So either I can go nowhere fast, or I can take my time and be positively influenced by worship music that reminds me of how great God is.  

Dating 101

The word says very little about dating and courtship. The Bible talks of marriage and what should happen within the confines of that marriage – but nothing on how to get to the marriage stage. In fact, the entire concept of dating is relatively new in the last 100 yrs or so. We as a society/culture have moved from arranged marriages – where the parents were completely in control. Then there was the courtship phase – where the parents were heavily involved and the mates were invited to the house, met the family, and vetted by the parents. Next was dating – where we picked our own mates, dated multiple people in secret and the parents meet them towards the engagement/marriage stage. Now we’re in a mix of situationships and “Netflix & chillin” – where we are deceitful, loose and completely non-committal.

But back to the Bible, the closest lessons I’ve seen in the word on dating/courtship would have to be Jacob and Racheal (Gen 29:15-30). My boy Jacob fell in love with Racheal – she was fine and had a job! Brother agreed to work 7 years for her hand – 7 years! Considering he stayed with and worked for Racheal’s father I think it’s safe to assume he was courting her that whole time. Then after being deceived by dad and given the older sister Leah, he worked another 7 years for Racheal. 14 yrs looking at a woman you love but can’t touch – all while working on her father’s land. Sounds like courtship to me.

So in my attempt to understand the concept of dating from a Biblical standpoint, I turned to a mini-Bible study on dating. It was a 7 day reading plan that took me close to 2 weeks to finish – ironically my biggest revelation I received didn’t come from the scriptures, but from the way I handled the readings.

Day 1: Ephesians 6:2-3

² “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

The way you treat/interact with you parents says  a lot about how you will treat your mate. Love, honor and respect them… and if it’s something we’re doing that is embarrassing to our parents or we wouldn’t know we did – it’s probably not a good idea. And there’s a promise! Do this and you WILL have long life on earth. Sounds pretty simple to me.

Day 2: 2 Corinthians 6:14

¹⁴ Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

 

So I had to look up what exactly an “unbeliever” was. I wasn’t sure if it was someone who didn’t believe in religion – an atheist, or just someone who wasn’t a Christian. What I found is that if you do not believe that Jesus was God and that he came to Earth to die for our sins – you are an unbeliever. This is the core of Christianity. How can you seriously date someone – and consider marrying them – when the core of your faith is different?

Day 3: Job 31:11

³¹ I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.

This one hit home for me. It’s so easy to confuse my fleshy desire for someone with really liking them as a person and seeing serious potential in them as a mate. We as a society get so caught up in how attractive a person is. We’re even willing to look past obvious red flags early on because “he cute” or “she’s fine”. The bible even goes on to say that “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 30:31) and that “lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished” (Job 31:11).

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be attracted to you mate. Even Jacob thought Racheal was fine. Just don’t let these desires of the flesh distract you from someone who knows God.

Day 4: Psalms 37:3-4

³ Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. ⁴ Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.

This is another one that hit me hard. I love God, I try to follow his word but I’ve had problems trusting what God has in store for me. There are so many distractions and we are a people of instant gratification. I try to make things happen on my own in relationships versus waiting on God to bless me with the woman that he has obviously sent for me. In this verse he clearly states that if we “take delight in the Lord” – if we follow after Him, love Him, obey His word – “He will give [me my] heart’s desire.”  God knows one of my desires is family. I truly believe he’s just waiting on me to trust in him.

Day 5: Proverbs 6:20

²⁰ My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s instruction

This goes back to Day 1. It’s funny how the author goes back to including the parents in dating. That’s something that we’ve certainly lost over the years. And even when they do get involved we tend to ignore there wisdom for our lust. Imagine all the heartache we could have avoided if we listened to the advice of our parents? I know I am bad for not even seeking their advice and I don’t think that most of us do.

Day 6: 2 Timothy 2: 22

²² Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

This whole passage is pretty self-explanatory. It’s about how to keep yourself pure for God’s purposes. Don’t be lustful! (2^nd time that’s showed up too.) But instead go after things that are of God – righteous living, faithfulness, love and peace. If we were to follow this passage alone, the dating community would be 100% better. It tells us not to be lustful, how to act and who to spend time with. Meditate on that!

Day 7: 1 Timothy 4:12

¹² Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.

Generally the young are those who are the purist in spirit and in their pureness, are more likely to follow God’s word without questioning and are more likely to be going against the grain of the world. So I’d like to interpret that first line to read, “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are going against the norm.” The world has put so much pressure on us to act as they do, to date (or not date…just have sex) as they do, to lust as they do, to divorce as they do. There’s been multiple times where I knew I was doing the right thing, but was made to feel alone because it was not what the world expected. We know that the path to God is going to be less traveled and even frowned upon by the masses. We should be confident in our choices when they align with God’s word and Hs will. We should continue to be that example, the light, to other believers and to the world so that they see God in us.

Good study right?! Did I mention it took me almost two weeks to complete it though? That’s were my real revelation came in. Let me explain. My love languages are Physical Touch and Quality Time so I feel some kinda way when someone doesn’t make time for me. I get annoyed when I’m not a priority. I feel like I should take precedence over at least most of the 1000’s of things going on in another person’s life – yes, I’m a little selfish on the inside. I was internally complaining about this when it hit me. That is exactly how I treat God. I talk to him, I communicate with him but I don’t make nourishing my relationship with Him a priority – at least not the way I feel like I should.

It took almost 2 weeks to finish this reading plan because everything was a distraction – work, after work meetings, the gym, time with friends, traveling, movies, etc. If someone who claimed to like me made time for all of that, but not for me I know I would feel undervalued. So I can imagine how God feels about my priority towards our relationship.

If marriage is to be a reflection of Jesus and the church – how can I be annoyed with someone not making time for me when I don’t do the same with God? He’s probably just as annoyed (or more) with me!

Moral of the story: Don’t expect more out of your worldly relationships than you’re willing to pour into your spiritual one. Grow closer to him – you’ll grow closer to them.

Son of God

I started this post over a year ago and never finished it. I'm posting it in its unfinished form with the original date.

 

I went to see Son of God opening weekend. I don't claim to be the most studied Christian, in fact I'm learning more about God, the Bible, and my relationship with God everyday.  There are certain aspects of the movie that bothered me. I could be incorrect in something I'm about to say, so I welcome comments and corrections - I thrive on learning and personal development. On the surface the movie was good. No denying that; however, I question the accuracy and interpretation of the Bible for the big screen. Here are a few things that caught my attention:

1.      The Purpose of the Messiah - the opening scenes of the movie explain how the people need and messiah and a savior to free them from Roman rule. WHAT!?!? I thought Jesus was born in the flesh to save us from our inherent sinful nature and that was His purpose. John 3:16-17 states "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16 is one of the most popular scriptures, how did Hollywood get this wrong?!

2.      Jesus is Still White - most of the supporting characters were obviously of middle eastern decent, or at least appeared that way. But the character of Jesus was clearly European and straight pearly white teeth. Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea. Judea is currently know as the West Bank - a landlocked territory near the Mediterranean coast of Western Asia, forming the bulk of the Palestinian territories. In other words, no where near Europe. Jesus is portrayed by Portuguese actor Diogo Morgado. Can Hollywood let Jesus be non-white? Please?

No Mention of the Resurrection - Jesus predicts his betrayal and death, but I don't remember a mention of his resurrection 

 

Opportunit​ies for Miracles

I was having the debate about whether people are born gay or choose to be gay. Someone made the point that “why would God make you gay?” and my rebuttal with the fact that people are born with other afflictions and predispositions that they have no control over, like birth defects, chronic illnesses, alcoholism, and mental illness. Some of which the Christian community consider to be some form of spiritual attack.
Fast forward to Sunday’s service, which was about Extreme Faith and the scripture was John 9:1-7:

1 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2 His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. 4 As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
6 After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. 7 “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

Like most, I’ve heard and read this story several times, but what stuck with me this time was “this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” WOW! That just clicked for me. Basically Jesus is telling us that it doesn’t matter how it came to be, and placing blame won’t fix the problem. We’re focusing on the wrong things because what matters is that through our faith in God even the blind from birth can be healed. Every affliction and attack is another opportunity to see a miracle of God.

We spend so much time trying to figure out why things happen and it clearly says it here. Whenever we struggle and overcome it’s just another opportunity for us to glorify His name because the works of God have been displayed in us. I encourage everyone to look for opportunities for miracles so that we can see our faith and His works manifested in our lies.

-Trans

Praying For Closed Doors

Originally published on SingleBlackMale

These days most people are praying for doors to be opened. Whether it is in their professional life, family life, personal life or relationships, people are looking for and asking God for an abundance of opportunities to get them out of their current circumstances. If you hate your job, you pray to get an offer from a better company with better pay and benefits. If the family is behind on the mortgage, you pray for God to make a way to avoid foreclosure and eviction. If you car sucks and you’re broke, you pray for an unbelievable deal on a good car. If a friend is going though something, you pray for their healing and deliverance. In essence we are praying for options. We want to have the choice to get out of our current situation. No one wants to be stuck and be a bystander in their own life. We want control. I’m definitely a fan of having options, except in one area: relationships.

Coming out of high school, into college I was the one woman type dude. When I found someone I liked I was 100% full steam ahead. I didn’t want to talk to anyone else, kick it with anyone else, hang out with anyone else, chill with anyone else – and this was all before we were even official. I would be dedicated to earning her time and attention. Then, I stepped on the college campus – women everywhere. Short ones, tall ones, big ones, small ones – it was almost a page out of a Dr. Seuss book. There was something for everyone. There were options, too many options. When I dated, I started to always wonder, “what if?” I could have date lined up and get a “what you doing?” text from someone else and start questioning if I was missing out on something better. Sometimes it was so bad that if I was on the date and got a text, I might try to wrap it up early so I could see “what’s up.” Sad I know. All the options were a distraction and dating multiple women was a headache – and I wasn’t the best at multitasking. Don’t be fooled, it was the same for the females; they had their pick at school too. There were plenty of times I asked a girl out and she would already have plans with someone else.  Like I said, there were options.

Fast forward pass graduation and we enter the real world. No incoming freshmen girls every year and depending on the size of the city you’re in, the dating pool may be pretty small and stagnant. But old habits die hard. There’s definitely less options, but they’re still there. New ones walk down the aisle at church, show up for happy hour at Applebee’s, and shop at the mall. Old ones still text out of the blue, bump into you at Wal-Mart, and give you that beautiful smile that you originally fell for and soon you’re back to wondering “what if?”

These days I don’t need or want that distraction. These days I’m constantly praying for gifts of discernment, recognition, and closed doors. That’s right, closed doors. I want to be wise enough to recognize and pursue a quality woman – that’s the work I have to put in. But I need help with the distractions. I’m actually asking for and wanting God to close doors that lead to dead ends or would be a distraction to my current situation. I want to date a woman, one, singular. I want to meet her, court her, get to know her and follow through to see where the situation goes. I don’t want to be multitasking women, especially since I’m still not good at it. I want to be 100% in again, I want to give it a good try, un-jaded by my past. I want to have a singular focus on one woman to see if it could work out. If it doesn’t that’s fine too, I should have learned something from it.

So obviously these closed doors could be dead end distractions, I’m sure some of you reading this agree. Then there are those that are reading that question that you may just be wasting time on the wrong person if you don’t explore other options. I understand the dilemma, but that’s where your maturity and faith comes in. You have to trust that the person you’re with is the one God is meant for you to be with at the moment (not sexually though, God doesn’t like that). Whether it’s for a season or a lifetime there should be something to gain from the experience and pray for wisdom throughout the experience.

After a lot of attempted multitasking, I’m ready to leave the college ways alone and date in the singular. I encourage the other men out there to do there same. Distractions are just that, distractions. Focus on the goal, what’s sitting in front of you.