Time to Think

So I am at home for the holiday break with WAY too much free time on my hands. In between sleeping, watching tv, eating, sleeping talking to my family, hanging with old friends and sleeping, I think and write, write and think… probablely over think and under write and over analyze. But none this less it’s been happening. It’s said that idle hands are the devils playground, so what is an idle mind? Think on that one.

So in the time I’ve been on vacation I have managed to write 5 poems. The first one called “A.N.I.M.O.S.I.T.Y.” is about some animosity I had suppressed a while back. Someone had lied on me and made me look bad. Basically the typical hater type shit, but I think it got to me because what he lied about and who he lied to. Truth be told if I had done what he said there is no way he would have been able to do the things he did. The more I thought about it, the more the whole thing just didn’t make sense. More than likely that poem will never get to the public. No reason for me to air him out, not my style. No reason for me to get caught up in that game. Karma’s a bitch anyway.

Another poem was about this girl I used to talk to. We got along well but she was stuck on her ex and I wasn’t taking her serious. One because of the ex, two because I had my own “baggage.” I couldn’t give her what she wanted and didn’t think it fair to give any less… so it never progressed. The poem “Wish Her Well” just tells the story of us.

Now this is the serious part. The remaining 3 poems all center on the same topic. Apparently something that has been bothering me the last few days. In any relationship – friendship, courtship, marriage – is not communication one of them most important things. I wrote the poems “Incapable,” “Time Bomb,” and “More Times” about just that topic. I talk to someone on a regular basis, but we never talk about some of the most important things and it drives me crazy. And when I even temp to bring it up there’s a fight waiting to happen. I am debating if I should post the poems before I talk to her, or talk first and let the poems back up how I feel. Or vice versa. I’m sure this post will give her enough warning to keep her cool.

What if one person is waiting and willing to talk, but the other literally runs from the conversation? What if one person can’t tell if they’re alone in the situation and it’s time to move on? Is that not a train wreck waiting to happen? It’s almost 2007 and I can’t go into the New Year in the dark. This lack of communication has been bad for my health. I’m tryin to be healthy.